You keep making my heart new.

Ah, change. How I so often reject the workings of change! My plans, My ideas, MY heart.. and God continually takes them all, redirecting them day by day from what I thought was the perfect plan, to His Exceedingly Perfect Will. How I wish change was easy.. how I wish life sometimes was easy, ok all the time! But His grace is greater still.

* But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Paul goes on to say "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am STRONG. -2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I so badly wish I had his attitude, knowing that on my own I can do nothing, and humbling myself, losing myself in fact and allowing God to change my heart. Proverbs 3:34 says that "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." Honestly this shouldn't be new to me, and well it isn't in the sense of 'hearing it for the first time'. But this is more of an old lesson i'm still learning.. STILL! Just allowing my thoughts to become more like His, and my plans to become not mine at all but His and being used as a vessel, not at tank. Vessel meaning to allow a 'flow' rather than being a tank whose contents just remain still and unusable ( one not being hooked up to anything).

I've kind of been moping lately, maybe more than I would like to admit. And in no way is being pregnant an excuse to mop. Though my life my number one goal has always been to know God more, to read His word and understand it more, then to put into practice what I've learned to bring Him glory.. above all else. Great goal right! .. Yes of course and my heart was in the right place, but I was trying to obtain this goal by MY plans, MY dreams, and by MY strength. Unfortunately my heart was also just MINE. I hadn't humbled myself to Him to change that too. In not doing so I have allowed my own ambitions to govern my steps, stepping first then asking for God to make my ways like His.

Zechariah 4:6 says, "Then he said to me, "Thus is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel; Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord of hosts."

Hard to swallow isn't it. On my own, no matter how good my intentions, no matter how strong I may think I can be I'm simply running in circles on my own.

I am by admission SELFISH! I fail at life on my own..

BUT WAIT!... that is not the end. Thank you Lord!

Philippians 4:13 says "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."

Ephesians 2:10 says "For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. And Romans 8:30-32 says, "And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified. What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?

So, enough. Enough trying to figure it all out on my own and then running in circles trying to go after the vision I thought was God's plan. I'm going to let Him in, more, far more!

By dying to myself I can walk out His plan from the beginning of time. The truly spectacular thing is that He knew, He knew I would struggle with letting go of all MY stuff.

He keeps making my heart new.

Allowing me to live and love like He does.

And although i'm not there yet, its not being perfect right away. But rather about the process, the journey, running into the arms of perfection knowing we are never enough, and remembering He loves us anyway.

He is unending.